There are things that one does not know when one begins running to get healthy. OK…there’s stuff I didn’t know. And, I feel that one of the things that running has taught me is to share my experiences…if only in an effort to make you less likely to fail at running should you want to take it up. Or to scare you from starting in the first place.
- You will spend the vast amount of your run with a wedgie. It’s not something I’m excited about. I’m already concentrating on just keeping my feet moving and not falling on my face…now I have to remove underwear from my crack? Not OK. It’s like walking and chewing gum, but on crack (yep…that joke was just made). You could go, I guess, sans underwear, but then you’ll be dealing with other things that I don’t care to discuss like vagina chafing (yep…I just typed that).
- Shin splints are inevitable. I remember using “shin splints” as my excuse in high school soccer to get out of running long distances. “Oh, sorry, Coach, I’ve got shin splints. Guess I won’t be running today. Or ever.” Coach Torno, I now plead with you to give me an excuse to get out of life. Walking hurts.
- Interval training will kick your ass. Seriously, going from walking to running, then back again is harder than you might think. But, then again, just when you think your run is going to kill you, the little man on the app says, “Slow down and walk,” and there’s a moment where you think, “Holy crap! The universe DOES love me.” PS. I’m doing a 5K app that is helping me have purpose when running.
- A bad knee means a sexy knee brace. If you have bad knees, perhaps running is not the best idea…but then again, if you have bad knees, maybe you should never exercise. Ever. Also, automatically a bad knee makes you 412 years old.
- Kilometers are way more awesome than miles. Do you know how disappointing it was to discover that I was running 3.07 kilometers instead of 3.07 miles? (For reference, 3.07 kilometers is nearly 2 miles, but it ain’t 3.) In other news, I CAN RUN 3.07 KILOMETERS, SUCKAS! Well, I run/walk. Remember, I’m on interval training.
- Stretching is important, although not important enough that I remember to do it without a reminder from an app. That is all.
- Getting out of bed is the first step. Seriously, if you can get the sleep out of your eyes and put your feet on the floor, you have made the first step to actually opening the door to go running. Which leads me to the final thing you should know…
- Sleep in your running clothes. This gives me one less excuse to get out of bed and go running: “But I don’t think anything is clean.” “But where in the pile of laundry is my sports bra?” “Do I actually have clean shorts?” I’m already in them. Roll out of bed, put on your shoes, and go, Loser Slacker Excuse-Maker.
For reference, I still don’t feel like a runner. To be fair, I don’t know what a runner feels like (insert awkward, dirty joke here). I feel better after I run, but I still have trouble getting started. I have stuck with it for more time than I ever thought, but more to prove everybody that thought I wouldn’t wrong. I do have a 5K on the calendar, but it’s a friend’s 5K not a competitive 5K. Also, yes, I have a friend that asked to run a 5K for her 40th birthday, so we’re putting one on for her. I’m seriously questioning her love for her friends…and her sanity.
I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and try not fall on my face…in life, in running.